Here’s the latest crisis to hit the Minted household – our Nespresso is broken! Seven years of service and now the lever press won’t puncture the capsules properly. End result = an inch of brown-tinged hot water in the mug.
I could make myself an instant coffee very easily. But it’s not the same as a hot shot of caffeine which you can glug down in two seconds on your way out of the door for the school run. So where’s George Clooney when you need him? And why am I even thinking that I need to ask a man about fixing it when all the Minted males are DIY non-approved? Up to yours truly to solve the problem as usual.
So I phoned the local workshop which no longer fixes Nespresso machines. Then - because I’m quite practical - I took a squizz at how to open the thing up myself. Only to discover that Nespresso uses oval-headed screws which you need a special tool to operate or a dedicated Nespresso technician …
Teeth-gritted, I rung the helpline. I had to go through the postcode drill before any solution could be offered. By this stage I was really seething. I don’t want to be a member of the club and have marketing blurb targeted at my every interface: just fix my machine!
Luckily for Shaun on the other end of the line, I calmed down as he started grilling me about my capsule choice. I wasn’t brave enough to confess to using the Marks & Spencer’s fake ones. Thirty pence each folks, normally, compared to 31 pence and upwards for the real deal. The M&S ones are even cheaper at the moment because there’s a buy-one-get-one-half-price offer on. Plus there’s no rubbish with postage and delivery unless you order 200. Charlotte and I disagree on whether the flavour adds up but then it’s rocket fuel, not taste, that I’m after.
In the end it didn’t matter because, following Shaun’s patient instructions concerning toothbrushes and a few test runs, we are up and running again. I’m not sure how much the 0800 number cost to ring but it has to be cheaper than the £79 all-in-one collect, mend and deliver back Nespresso service. Or a new Inissia which seems to be the most economic model on the website at £89.99.
While I’m grateful to have my coffee shots back, I wasn’t so thrilled that I let the lovely Shaun flog me a couple of descaling “kits”. (Cheaper alternatives including plain white vinegar are available). I can see other people, deprived of their favourite brew, might be persuaded though. The whole Nespresso concept (reinventing coffee) is a genius product. The fact that I’m even bothered about fixing my own rather than chucking out and moving on says something about the longevity of the brand. Really, I should revert to Gold Blend and put all my savings into Nespresso (ie Nestle) shares.